I propped up the pillows against the headboard and arranged the comforter around me. My cup of cinnamon dolce fresh from the Keurig sat on the nightstand next to me. I greeted my God, as always with an honest assessment of how I feel about getting up and facing the day. I ask Him to open my ears to hear from him and speak to me before I open my devotional and Bible.
This morning, I prayed a desperate prayer, I’m struggling with some directions in my life, some opportunities that I want to take and could, but I want His “Best Yes”. So I whined a bit that I really “need to hear from God”. I really “want to do your perfect will”, please, please, “give me some clear direction”, “I’m listening, I want to do what you want”.
And God said, “No you don’t.” So I got quiet and a little offended.
And God said, “I’ve given you everything you need for TODAY. You undoubtedly know what you need to accomplish TODAY. You have clear direction for the things you need to do for me TODAY. Your problem is you want to know about next week, next month, and next year. You want answers for June and August and it’s barely May. You don’t want to make that financial commitment, even though you could because you’re afraid of October’s rent increase. You don’t want to do TODAY’S task unless you can see how it’s going to help or hinder tomorrow. You don’t want to spend time on TODAY’S task if you can’t know how the time and energy spent is going to impact the future. You don’t want to follow TODAY’S leading if you can’t know where the finish line is. You don’t want to get up and get busy on what you know you need to do TODAY. You are too concerned about how it’s all going to turn out.”
I was now more than a little offended, but I knew it was truth. For me, specifically, time spent writing and researching and studying and yes spending for my writing, seems to lead to nada. And yet, I still do it. Then I berate myself for “wasting” my precious resources. I should be doing something more productive, spending more sacrificially.
I’m reminded of Paul as he traveled spreading the gospel. He would plan an evangelistic trip and then a shipwreck, prison, crazy woman or illness would change his plan. I wonder if he ever woke up and propped himself against the wall and asked “What’s the point?” Did he ever say aloud, “I should never have bought a ticket to Troas, look what happened there!” Or “Priscilla & Aquila gave me some cash and I bought a new coat, sorry, that should have been given to the poor”. “Should I or shouldn’t I go to Rome?”
TODAY, I know the assignments of TODAY. He has shown me what is good. To “do what is right, to love mercy and to walk humbly with (my) God”, (Micah 6:8 NLT). My heart knows what He has required of me. Jesus came to seek and save the lost, and now He wants me to seek and point the lost to Him.
I quit being offended and took a long look at the list. These days I still make the to-do list but pray over it and prioritize it according to the time constraints and other commitments. TODAY, the list came together with a few additions and lots of cross outs. I knew which opportunities to pursue and which ones to lay aside. More importantly, I knew which ones could wait and which ones couldn’t.
The first one was “post the blog”.
TODAY these were the words He gave me, even as I was in prayer. So, as I type this sitting on my bed, I will push the “publish” tab and throw another post out into cyberspace. And while these eyes see no earthly return on the time spent, this is what I must do TODAY.
Just thinkin’ on it.