The mover chuckled as he shoved the big purple tub into the POD for my move to Colorado. I turned pink with embarrassment at the bold, huge label on that tub. “Stalled Writing Career”. Yeah, becoming a single mother on an Oklahoma teachers’ paycheck and taking on 2 extra jobs along with my volunteer commitments at church had STALLED my little writing career, er, hobby. I simply couldn’t put time into things that were not bringing in cash. So, twenty years ago, I boxed it all up: the notes from writing conferences, the how to books, the rejection letters and the few congratulatory notes with check stubs, the slim file labeled “SOLD”.
20 years ago, the tub was packed efficiently away with its offensive label “Stalled Writing Career” Career? A career is something you do a long time and are very successful. Stalled Writing DREAM might have been a better label. At some point I must have believed I could have a writing career. Otherwise that tub full of how to books, articles filed meticulously into themes, research notes, pages and pages of writing would have disappeared long ago. I gingerly open the purple abyss of paper and stare inside. Here I am, unpacking it as if think I can do it. 20 years later.
Today is my self-imposed deadline to launch my blog. I lay in bed this morning, thinking, for the umpteenth time: Is this what I should do with my time? Why join the hundreds of thousands bloggers in cyberspace? Who, besides my wonderful friends and family, who, will read me? And do I want them too?
As is my custom, I took my coffee and current devotional book to start the day I might launch my blog. Many years ago in a Beth Moore study, I learned the importance of asking God to open my heart before I read His word. Imagine that the creator of the Universe has something to say to me. I need to pay attention.
So, before I opened the book I asked God to speak specifically to me, and added, “SO, I’m going to launch that blog today unless you freeze the computer, please, please, reassure me that I’m doing the right thing.”
Seriously, I open the book to read the title “The Balls in Your Court” with Isaiah 6:8. “This ball is for you. Who’s the person? What’s the problem and where is the deficit that you might just be suited to fill?” (Priscilla Shirer in Awaken) Could I get you a burning bush?
I cannot imagine that in the world of cyberspace, there are any “deficits”. But, I meant it when I said, Here am I, send me. So here I am, hope you read me!