Joy For Loss; Part 1
Five close friends lost their husbands during the past year. Four of them were sudden and unexpected. The fifth was told they had three months; she got five days. These husbands were godly men, men who had served the Lord their entire lives with honor and integrity. They and their wives KNOW a reunion is coming. Even so, one told me she felt like her arm had been ripped off. That’s Biblical, Mark 10:8 says “and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Indeed, part of her body was gone.
As the holidays approach, none of them are in a festive spirit. Their broken hearts are incapable of facing the joy of the season. How can I, a friend who empathizes, help?
In an effort to understand these women’s heartache, I did a little personal research. I contacted several widowed friends and acquaintances to answer three questions. Those who have faced five plus holidays still struggle in this season. They told me that “presence” was the most helpful. Trips, coffee, dinner, phone calls; just being with another human was comforting. They especially appreciated anything that didn’t require a response. Surrounding oneself with like-minded people and others who had experienced this loss helped also. The more recent widows are still mourning the end of traditions and navigating new holiday rituals. All the widows agree they need friends to say their deceased spouse’s name and share memories. “Let me cry” was a frequent refrain and be okay that I do. Don’t try to fix it, you won’t be able too. “You’re not reminding me he’s gone; I live with that reality every second of every day.” One told me. What’s a friend to do? Fifteen years ago, an unknown someone showed me what do. I did it. It not only made a difference in sixteen widows’ holidays, it made a difference in mine.
To Be Continued.
