The Year of Disappointment

   I’ve turned the page to the last week in my 2020 planner/journal/prayer list and I sighed relief.   This weekend I’ll go through it and look at all the colorful cancellation stickers that graced the calendar pages.  I’ll evaluate the goals written last January,    I’ll smile at the few, very few pictures of the scarce events that took place.  I’ll skim through the documentation of phone calls and zoom meetings because they took on a new importance.  I’ll spend more time reading the inserted prayers and long journal pieces.  And by Monday, despite 2020’s failures, I will write goals for 2021, choose a word and verse for 2021.

  My word for 2020 was “Emmanuel, God with us”.   In the first few days of 2020, I wrote that God was speaking to me regarding my spiritual growth. While He appreciated my works, He wanted more of me.  I had previously read Lysa Terkhurst’s The Best Yes and I committed to finding the best yes; to saying no to every opportunity and look for the ones that He chose for me.  I wish I had better prepared for that, instead I just logged disappointment after disappointment.  Every time I said “yes’, it got cancelled. 

  Several times in early 2020, I jotted down the words to an old chorus, “I’m hungry for a mighty move of God, I’m thirsty, pour out your Holy Ghost, I long to see the hand of God move mightily inside of me, I’m hungry for a move of God.”

   Over the past 8 months, I’ve bemoaned every possible spiritual experience cancelled; Churches, camps, retreats, conferences, seminar. There was no place for God to move at all, let alone “mightily”. 

   Sunday morning, I was asked by an online pastor, “What did you learn this year?”   My first answer was cynical; Nothing, disappointment is constant, never plan anything or dream again.  Really?  God asked. So, I stopped to think about the question.

   2020 shook me from complacency.  The smorgasbord of church services online led me to go in depth in some areas and gave me discernment in others.  I received a clarity of what I was lacking in teaching, reading, & devotion.  I found that I was missing some things I needed to grow spiritually.  I branched out in study, prayer, and purpose as never before.  I searched scripture to solidify and/or change my belief to line up with the Word of God.  I read the Bible through and blogged weekly about what I was learning.  I recovered my prayer language. 

  It’s about your definition of “mighty move of God”.  This Pentecostal girl defines it as Azusa street complete with healings and miracles, and it is.  But the song says, “move mightily inside of me”.  

  “I’m not saying I have this all together, that I have it made.  But I am well on my way, reaching out to Christ, who has so wonderfully reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong; By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus.  I’m off and running and I’m not turning back.  So, let’s keep focused on the goal, those of us who want everything God has for us.”   Philippians 3:12-15(the msg.)         

    Thinkin’ of that in 2021. 

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